There is tons of great advice and tips on how to improve the relationship with your significant other, and while they are great to use with them, these can also be applied to just about anyone you come into contact with – including friends, coworkers and strangers. Here’s 3 tips you can use with anyone:
Stop giving advice.
Our greatest need and desire as humans is connection. When we share about ourselves with others, our main desire is being heard and understood – the feelings which foster the connection. As the listener in the dynamic, we often want to help, and we offer our advice, even when it hasn’t been asked for, rather than letting them feel understood. Start noticing what it really is you want when you share with others, and what others want from you when you share with them. And only give advice if they actually ask for it.
Watch your tone.
We’ve all been there – we say something simple like “can you please help with the dishes”, but rather than the kind, light, gentle request, it comes across accusatory and passive aggressive. The words haven’t changed at all; the meaning however, has taken a turn, and instead of starting the dishes, we’ve now started a fight. Tone changes the meaning of words, so take a few deep breaths and bring awareness into your tone to ensure you’re communicating accurately.
We tend to have expectations of events, interactions and our days, and there are times when we find ourselves cranky when the day doesn’t go the way we expected it to. Let the person you’re with know when you expect to get home, or eat dinner. Having a really simple conversation ahead of time can help set the expectation for everyone and sets you up for the smoothest day possible.
John & Julie Gottman – https://www.gottman.com/
Sue Johnson – http://www.drsuejohnson.com/
As a Registered Psychologist, I have experience helping people with a variety of concerns including, but not limited to stress, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, parenting, and relationships. Together, we will use cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), and collaborate to find the thoughts and actions creating obstacles in your life, test them out, and combat them to decide if they’re helping or hindering you. Most of all, I want to help you reach your potential, and make the way there a little easier.